In These Arms
by spooksfan08
Summary: The aftermath of the train crash has affected the whole team. With Natalie away and the rest of the team dealing with their own reactions to the tragedy can Ronnie stop Sam from making the same mistakes he did?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer I do not own Law and Order Uk or anything related to it. All belongs to Kudos, ITV1 and the original writers. No copyright infringement intended nor should be inferred. This story was written after seeing the trailer from the new series. I didn't see the first episode because Sky + decided not to tape it. Some characters that weren't in the episode ie Natalie, Alesha and Matt may appear.**

**In these arms.**

The pub was a place to think. His father had told him that. He knew that his old man had liked a drink or two. Or three. It was what lead to his parents getting divorced when he was eleven. He was on his own, it didn't matter if he obliterated a few brain cells in the process. The barmaid frowned slightly as he tugged his tie loose and picked up the glass one more time.

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"I'm worried about that boy." Natalie sighed as she listened to Ronnie on the other end of the phone. Ronnie frowned, wondering which one of the team were worrying her this time. "I mean, I am supposed to go on this course. I wanted you to be the one acting up when I was out of the picture but you know that was out of my hands."

"I know." Ronnie nodded. "Look, don't worry about this place. You just concentrate on your course. And he's only acting DI. It's still your department."

"Yeah." Natalie sighed. "But this train crash."

"Bad. Tragic I know but we got to the bottom of it." Ronnie sighed.

"Yeah, I know." She looked away. "But think about it. All those people on that train. Those that died, their families. Kids were on that train."

"God, don't. It's enough to make me wanna go back on the drink." He pushed his glasses further up his nose. Natalie raised an eyebrow. "But I wont." Ronnie could practically sense the look on her face. He hoped she knew he wasn't serious.

"What I mean to say is Matt goes home to Alesha. Angie has her little girl and we sit here and put the world to rights. Even the CPS boys have their other halfs and someone to talk to. Who does Sam have? That girl died in his arms. It's knocked him for six, I can tell you that now."

"You think he's not coping." Ronnie frowned. The Sam he knew was always loud, confident and cocky - a lot like Matt when they had first met up. Natalie shrugged her shoulders. "I'll keep my eye on that boy."

"You'll have to. There's no one else there that can. Matt may intend to but with Alesha being ill recently and the baby." She looked out of the window wishing she was in wet and rainy London rather than the wet and windy Manchester. The only compensation was she knew she'd be back in London as soon as the course was finished. "I wont be back for a while."

"I know." Ronnie closed his eyes, he hated the way circumstances were splitting the team up. He began to wonder how much longer the Met would have specialised unit like theirs. "I'll head down to his local, see if I can find him."

"Thanks Ron." Natalie smiled slightly. "Let me know, yeah?"

"Yeah." Ronnie ended the call before picking up his coat and heading out of his house.

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Alesha threw her coat over the banister and walked into the living room of her apartment to see Matt sat on the floor with Cameron and most of his toys. The little boy looked up and smiled as she walked into the room.

"Hi." She smiled as Cameron grinned at her. His one tooth showing now visible when he smiled at her.

"Hi." Matt got to his feet and kissed her. "You ok?"

"I've just spent two hours looking through the reports from the train crash. Jake is still there." She shook her head sadly. "It's just. I mean." She closed her eyes as Matt pulled her into a hug. She rested her head against his chest and sighed. "I can't help thinking what if it was you? What if you were on the train that day and I was left behind like some of those families."

"Oh Lesh." He kissed her hair as Cameron looked on, oblivious as to why his parents were so upset. Matt held her a little tighter, determined that she would never find out how those bereaved relatives felt. "It's ok. It will be ok." He whispered as she held him.

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The rain had given way to the hazy sunshine as he walked the streets of North London. He knew that there were only a few places the new boy on the team would be. After failing to find him at his flat or at his local pub the one near the police station was his only option. If Sam wasn't there he had no idea where to look. Pushing the bar door open he stepped into the thick carpet of the Pig and Whistle just as the bar man nodded to where Sam was sat nursing another whiskey.

"Sam." Ronnie stood next to him. "You don't need that."

"She died."

"I know son." Ronnie sighed as he realised the drink in Sam's hand was not his first. Or his second. "You don't need that."

"I need to forget."

"No you don't and that is not the way to do it." Ronnie frowned slightly. "You know that."

"I need to sleep." Sam kept his eyes on the amber liquid swirling in his glass. "I just need to forget."

"No, you need to deal with what has happened and move on. You are a good copper, Sam. You know that. You don't need to waste it all by drowning yourself in this." He nodded to the glass. Sam placed it back on the bar.

"How do you do it?"

"What? Deal with what's happened? Once I'd have done what you are doing now."

"And?"

"And it didn't work. It nearly cost me everything. My career, my sanity and my relationship with my girls. Now, you don't want that. You don't need to lose contact with that boy of yours. You could be DI in a couple of years. Don't throw it away."

"She was just a kid." Sam sighed. "She was in my arms. She trusted me."

"Yeah she did."

"She died." Sam knew he was rambling. Ronnie just hoped he could get through to him. "She was in my arms and she wanted me to save her. I didn't. She died."

"She did. And it is not your fault." Ronnie watched as Sam shrugged. "Listen to me. It was not your fault. She died, yeah. It's a tragedy. One that you had no part in causing. Ever thought you were the one that made that girl's last few minutes on Earth tolerable? That you gave her a bit of hope."

"False hope."

"But hope none the less. Now, come on. Let's get you out of here." He picked up Sam's coat and led him out of the pub wondering if he would be able to stop the younger copper making the same mistakes he did.

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A/n probably a one shot. Back to Revelations soon. Please review.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer not mine**

**I decided to make this a slightly longer story.**

**Chapter 2: Forgiveness?**

Ronnie stared at the kettle wishing it would boil faster. He knew Sarah had told him to buy it because it matched his kitchen. He didn't care if it matched or not, it just too long to boil and when you were waiting for a strong coffee that was important. He glanced at his mobile to see a text message had arrived. Two words.

"Ring me."

He smiled as he realised who the message was from. Even with Wes left temporarily in charge of MIT she couldn't stop worrying about her team. Angie and her lads were as much a part of Natalie's family as her own kids were. He shook his head and took the mugs of coffee into the living room.

"Good morning Sunshine." He placed a mug on the table in front of the sofa. "Do you feel as rough as you look? Cause, you my son look like a badgers..."

"Yeah." Sam groaned. He ran a hand over his face. "Yeah, God what did I drink last night.?"

"I think the question is, what didn't you drink last night." Ronnie sat down and placed a mug of steaming black coffee on the table in front of him. "Drink that."

"I hate coffee."

"Tough." Ronnie got to his feet. "Look at the state of you. We've only 'ad this stand in Guv a couple of weeks. What's 'e going to think of us if you turn up with the hangover from Hell? I tell you something, son you are not driving today."

"I know." Sam screwed up his eyes as a headache began pounding behind his eyes. "Sorry Ron."

"You 'av got nothing to be sorry about." Ronnie clapped his hand on the younger man's back. "Just don't end up like me."

"Eh?" Sam opened his eyes as Ronnie sighed. He knew Matt and Alesha knew the story but he had hoped it was a tale he wouldn't have to tell the newer members of the team.

"Before I started on MIT I was a drunk." He looked Sam in the eye. "I am not proud of it."

"I knew you didn't drink."

"Today I don't drink and yesterday I didn't. I just hope I don't tomorrow." Ronnie sighed. "I almost did start again when Matt was shot. Just before you started with us. Alesha and Natalie made sure I wasn't so stupid as to start again."

"I am not going to end up like that." Sam looked away. "I just wont."

"I hope not." Ronnie spoke calmly. "I almost lost everything, my family, my job. It did cost me my marriage. If it wasn't for Natalie trusting me and giving me a second chance I'd be out of work."

"I am not going to end up like that."

"Funny enough, that's what I said." Ronnie looked away. "I started hitting the bottle when I was in uniform. Didn't really become a problem until I was a DI."

"You were an inspector?"

"Don't look so shocked." Ronnie shook his head. "Yeah, I was. And I took demotion to come to MIT. It was that or get kicked out. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is there was this girl. Only a teenager. She had called 999 after she was attacked. I was in the area with my then partner. By the time we got there she was laying in a pool of blood. Poor girl was a mess. I thought she was already dead." He paused at the memory. "You know? It never ceases to amaze me what people can do to each other. I'll never forget that girl."

"Matt was right."

"Eh?"

"You really do have a story for every situation." Sam shook his head and immediately regretted it.

"Yeah? Well. I've been around a while." Ronnie paused. "Drink your coffee." He got to his feet as Sam lifted the mug. "My point is, I drank until my liver resembled a tea bag. Still didn't forget that kid. Still have nightmares about finding her body, helping the paramedics load her onto the ambulance." Ronnie looked at him. "Alcohol doesn't make you forget. Not really. It just blocks it out for a bit." He walked towards the doorway as Sam closed his eyes.

"You still get nightmares?"

"It 'as been known." Ronnie paused. "You're a good copper Sam. Don't blow it."

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"So." Alesha turned as she heard the familiar voice. Kate stood behind her smirking slightly. "Back with James then."

"Yes." Alesha nodded. "How's things going with Jacob Thorne?"

"He's an interesting prosecutor." Kate fell into step alongside Alesha. "You worked with them both."

"Yes." Alesha nodded. "But I got fed up of acting like a football ref." Kate laughed and for a moment.

"I know that feeling." She turned and headed off leaving Alesha wondering what the new girl was talking about. She knew George had only paired her with Jake when it was obvious the workload was becoming too much for Alesha. A fact she slightly resented. Sighing heavily she turned and headed into her office to see Matt sat waiting for her.

"You ok?" He looked up.

"Yeah. How's Sam? He was pretty cut up yesterday." She picked up her coat, glad that she didn't have to work late.

"Hangover from Hell. Ronnie and Angie took to having the radio on all day. Never heard Ron so loud." Alesha shook her head as she imagined the day her friends would have given Sam. All the good natured teasing would have distracted him from his morbid thoughts and self blame, as well as made him feel like an idiot for getting so drunk. Matt handed Alesha her jacket as she smiled slightly, glad to be going home.

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"Well?" Ronnie smiled as he listened to the voice on the other end of the phone.

"Oh hello Ron. How's things?" Ronnie teased as Natalie rolled her eyes.

"Oh stop messing about. I've just had to listen to the most pompous, idiotic DCI I've ever met. For thirty minutes." Natalie huffed as Ronnie smirked. "How's Sam?"

"Nursing a very bad headache."

"You found him?"

"Yeah." Ronnie nodded. "He's a good copper. He knows the score."

"Ron." Natalie sighed. "He held that girl while she died in his arms. That is not going to go away over night."

"I know."

"Well?"

"I sobered him up and let him kip on my sofa." Ronnie explained. "He's in bits, to be honest. He's blaming himself."

"I was worried he would do that."

"Yeah, me and all." Ronnie agreed as he closed his eyes. "He's a good copper, he isn't gonna end up like me."

"Ron."

"No, he just has to accept he is isn't to blame. We didn't cause that accident and there was no way he could have saved that kid. He just has to forgive himself I suppose. Mind you there is nothing to forgive."

"And how long did it take you? After that girl was stabbed?" Natalie began pacing her B&B bedroom, course work and books strewn over the bed. "How long before you forgave yourself?" Natalie had a funny feeling she knew the answer.

"Tell you what? I'll let you know when I have."

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A/N please review.


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